Tending the Fire

Self -care is just this: lovingly meeting ourselves exactly where we are and allowing things to be as they are. When we can hold ourselves in this way, our inner world starts to become softer, gentler. We start to trust our own basic goodness, and we even come to learn that irritation, aversion, doubt, and resistance aren't to be evicted through our self-care; they are to be allowed and included by it. ~Sara Avant Stover

This morning, as I type, the smell of banana bread is filling the kitchen. It's Monday morning--the kids are back to school and the house is quiet. Rather than tackling my to-do list or diving into emails, I baked. Instead of pushing myself through some foot pain to do my usual 3-4 mile run, I rolled out my yoga mat and spent a half an hour attuning to my body and breath through flowing movement. Then I stood for a few minutes barefoot on the grass and felt myself ground into the earth and I offered a simple prayer for today: "May I be forgiven for all of the ways that I have knowingly or unknowingly hurt myself or another. May I remember Your Love and Grace in all that I do today. May I show up wholeheartedly and do my best. Thank you." I let the spirit of gratitude fill me. I felt ready for the day. My daily practices, even though they may shift according to my current needs, are a "non-negotiable" in my life because they anchor me into feeling grounded in my body and connected to something bigger than myself.

The photo that I chose for this month's post came from my summer sabbatical on Lake Ontario. It reminds me of the importance of tending well to my own inner fire so that I can give to my family, work and relationships from my very best self. My annual vacation prompted me to recommit to my own radical self-care. Even the things that we love and rely on the most for our well-being--our loved ones, exercise habits, creative projects, and spiritual practices--can become depleting rather than nourishing if what we are really needing is simply rest! The women whom I admire the most are creative, productive and respectful of their needs for healthy downtime. I am re-examinng my relationship to rest on a daily basis and finding ways to incorporate it into my busy life rather than counting the days until next summer.

As women, often in a caregiving or supportive role for others, we give from our desire to help, nurture, champion, and affirm those people and projects that we love. We do this naturally, as we are neurobiologically wired with this maternal instinct. Research has shown how our brain patterns change in response to our babies distress signals. Thanks to this instinct we know how to respond to our babies and maybe even our businesses, but we have forgotten how to use it for our own flourishing. The good news is that it is within us, we just need to access the feminine wisdom we carry.

​It is through truly knowing and being in touch with all aspects of ourselves that we can experience real nourishment. In my life coaching practice I have seen women from various backgrounds struggle with the very same issues regarding self-care. Our families and culture  have taught us to ignore our needs for rest and renewal by rewarding high level productivity at any cost. These same messages are responsible for making us feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. It is our responsibility now, as women in touch with our femininity, to challenge these expectations and fiercely protect our precious life energy so that we can live from our sensitively attuned inner knowing.  It's not enough to just take a day or week or even a month off if what we need is deeper than our physicality. We need to nourish on all levels. Holistic nourishment looks something like this:

• Restoring a connection to my body and her natural cycles and rhythms so that I can discern times of productivity and letting go.
• Renewing my mind by cultivating awareness of thoughts and beliefs that undermine and erode my self-worth or empower and fill me up.
•  Developing a discipline (literally becoming "a disciple") of listening to my feelings and trusting their wisdom as energetic signposts along my personal journey to help guide me toward that which is in alignment with my truest values and deeper visions.   
• With a solid foundation of good self-care, my creative essence can naturally flow into my life and my inspiration is given a supportive framework so that my cherished dreams can be nurtured into reality. 
• Strengthening my connection to Source or the Divine through reading sacred text, prayer, meditation, going to church or being in nature.

This may sound like a lot, but ultimately the things that offer us the deepest fulfillment are rarely grandiose or costly. They are the simple things that satisfy our real hunger: taking a walk, gardening, reading a book, watching a movie, connecting with a friend, turning off the electronics and being present with your children, taking a nap, or trying a new recipe. To make intentional space within our hectic lives to include these little luxuries can feel like a revolutionary act. Start a list of all the things that nourish you and begin to include a few of them into your week. 

We certainly need more role models of women who are doing self-care well. If you would like support in making self-care a priority in your life or would just like a designated time each week to be, please join me for a brand new Women's Wisdom Circle beginning October 4th at One Yoga and Fitness. This four week series will provide authentic connection to other women in community by holding "circle space" for each other. Each week you will be guided through specific practices that will become essential tools that you can easily integrate into your everyday life . For more details on this event or to register go to: Nourish.